She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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