I'm really into asian looking animals
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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