would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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