so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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