This is not my ceiling
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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