so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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