U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
