I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
