Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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