She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
