Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize