D3 body, D1 cock
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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