Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
