is wine microwaveable?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
