Don't make out with my wife yet
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
