I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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