U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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