Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
