the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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