it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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