Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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