o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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