I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
