This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I need a burrito and a hug.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
