sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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