I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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