Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We are all done wearing pants today
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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