my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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