Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
