My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
