Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
