I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
