I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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