I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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