I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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