either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
