the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They have beer where we have blood.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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