What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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