so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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