Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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