can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He did a backflip because drugs
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
