uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
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I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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