When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
