I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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