I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
