i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There's a naked man in my car right now.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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