I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
