I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
