So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
