R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
