I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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