Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
