oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
