with your own penis?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
