stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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