Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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