you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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