you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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