I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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