Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
