i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It was confusing and full of hummus
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
