he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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