Plan B is the new Plan A
Sponge bath it is.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
